American Marriage
State of Nature
The “state of nature” is an idea introduced by John Locke and other political theorists. It describes what life might have been like before the invention of government. The nations formed on the American continents actually did transition from a state of nature into a governed state.
Every new marriage is like the New World—vast with opportunity and in a state of nature. Regrettably, many spouses stumble into a system of rules and judgements in their marriage “government” instead of making deliberate decisions.
Common Law
Like the founders of the New World, spouses can and should draw on historical conventions when building their marriage government. The conventions enlisted by the United States of America are called “common law.” It is a collection of basic laws and personal safeguards achieved over the centuries within the English monarchy. Men and women today have two conventions that can serve as a “common law” for their marriage governments.
I call the first convention Traditionalism. It is modeled on a strict division of labor between husband and wife. Work outside the home is performed by the husband; work inside the home is performed by the wife. It also recognizes and values a distinction between mothering and fathering.
The other convention is Feminism. It is modeled on a strict sameness of husband and wife. Work in and out of the home are each equally split between the wife and the husband. The parenting tasks are mostly outsourced to professional babysitters.
Today, American culture accepts the ethos but not the dictates of feminism, thereby rejecting both conventions. In contrast, marriage government begs for spouses to broadly agree to something. I strongly recommend Traditionalism—at least as a default—as truer to the social differences between men and women.
Federalism & Union
Beyond enlisting English common law, America’s founders added an innovation called “federalism.” Its notion of dual sovereignty (shared between the State and National governments) is a useful model for understanding the overlapping stewardships within marriage government.
States joined America as independent and voluntary members of the nation. Each had a preexisting culture (values, goals, and institutions) and largely continued to enjoy self-rule. Likewise, spouses join as independent and voluntary members of their marriage. Each has a preexisting personality (with differences in triplicate) and a need for abundant self-direction.
In establishing America, a strong Union was also created. Where problems were broadly felt across the States, the National government became a potent solution. Likewise, spouses need to work hard to achieve marital union to succeed when big problems arise. Keep in mind that broad agreement is required to truly mobilize both America’s and marriage’s Unions.
Lastly, in striving toward American Marriage, we must remember that America long struggled with dissolution. Let us follow America’s example and dedicate ourselves to the unfinished work of maintaining our marriage unions.
Keep Reading >> Choosing as a Team
See previous article in series: Married: Body & Soul